wrong place, wrong time
by JasonGraceless
Summary: Poor Percy just keeps finding things he's not supposed to find... Gross fanfiction, Annabeth's diary... A collection of cute stories in which Percy is trying to figure out life and Annabeth, but he's just in the wrong place... at the wrong time. **WARNING: A COLLECTION OF CRACKFICS PURELY FOR HUMOR, PROBABLY DOESN'T COUNT AS A STORY**
1. Fanfics and Swearwords

_A/N: Please excuse me, my hand slipped while I was typing and this shitty story came out_

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Percy frowned at Annabeth's computer's screen.

He had been bored, and Annabeth was busy with the baby, so he had Googled himself. Everyone has Googled themself before.

But not everyone has had 21.5 million results show up.

At least, not everyone has had 21.5 million results that _match their description_.

Holy Hera, he had more search results than _Alexandra Daddario_, the famous actress that Percy had kind of had a crush on in fifth grade.

Percy tried not to faint as he scrolled down. Words like 'Annabeth,' 'Camp Half-Blood," and 'demigod," stood out.

He gulped. Oh, shit.

"ANNABETH?!" he shrieked, running out of the room with his arms waving madly.

;;

Annabeth came running, carrying a wailing, green-eyed baby with tufts of black hair. "Percy? What's wrong? You woke him up!"

"_I'm on Google_," Percy whispered urgently. "_And you are too_."

Annabeth laughed. "Okay. It's probably just, you're listed on the staff of the Delphi Strawberry business site."

"_No_," Percy whispered more forcefully. _"There are 21,500,000 results. And all of them have something to do with my life. They know about camp._"

Annabeth's jaw dropped, and for a second, she looked like she was going to drop their screaming, soon-to-be Junior Sea Scout.

"_What?_" she hissed. "That's _impossible!_"

She rushed over to the computer. Her piercing gray eyes scanned the page as she used the mouse to scroll down quickly.

Then she exhaled loudly, and said a word that caused Percy's miniature doppelganger to stop crying and look at his mother with wide eyes.

Then the five-month-old baby opened his mouth and repeated the word.

Annabeth groaned.

"Great," Percy said. "Even though he inherited your brains, now we can never brag to anyone that he spoke his first word at five months. Thanks a lot, Annabeth."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "It's not _my_ fault he inherited your sass, Seaweed Brain. Anyway, first things first."

"_This,_" she said, gesturing towards the screen of the computer with her free arm. "Is the biggest problem we have right now. We have to tell Chiron right away."

Percy continued to complain. "… all those cameras I hid over the place so I could record his first word… complete waste… have to destroy all the evidence… Jason will never stop making fun of me… everyone is going to think it was my fault… Mom is going to kill me… "

Annabeth sighed. Looks like there was more than one baby in their apartment.

"She is _not_. Sally is the sweetest lady on Earth."

Percy mumbled something that sounded like "To you."

Annabeth couldn't help but laugh at his pouty expression. Sometimes, he was so cute that she almost forgot about the baby.

Annabeth adjusted their little troublemaker in her arms. "I have to go send an Iris-Message to camp. And I'm putting this little sass monster back in his crib before he gets into any more trouble."

She started walking out of the room, but, before the door swung shut, she vaguely heard Percy say, "Hey! I thought I was your sass monster! How could you do this to me, Annabe— "

She smiled to herself as she walked through the living room.

;;

Percy pouted as the door swung shut behind Annabeth.

_He_ was supposed to be her sass monster. Annabeth was such a hypocrite. First, she hadn't let him name their baby Persassy Jr., then she decided to strip Percy of his title?!

He sighed, and turned to look at the Google results. There was lots of fan art. Most of it seemed to be by someone named Viria.

Wow. There were a lot of drawings of Percy and Annabeth together. He had never been able to look at the two of them together. They were _cute _together. He envied everyone who had ever seen Percy and Annabeth together.

Percy printed some and tacked them up on the wall above Annabeth's desk.

He looked through some more fan art. He smiled. They had gotten his 6-pack right.

He scrolled down further, and then quickly covered his eyes with his hands.

_Whoa_, he thought. _I did _not_ need to see _that_ drawing. _

Although he couldn't really deny that he and Annabeth had done that (5-month-old Jackson Jr. existed as proof), these fan artists had dirty minds. He shuddered and closed the picture. He decided to stop looking at art.

He randomly clicked on a fanfiction and struggled to read the floating letters. After ten minutes, he finished reading.

'_No,' Annabeth sobbed. 'No, Percy, don't leave me!'_

_Percy looked at her sadly. 'I'm sorry, Annabeth. One of us has to stay behind to close the Doors of Death. Goodbye, Annabeth. I love you.'_

_He kissed her for the last time, and pressed the elevator button before Annabeth could do anything. She started to scream and try to push through as the doors closed. 'PERCY!' she screamed. 'PERCY! NO!"_

_She caught one last glimpse of his gorgeous eyes, and heard two words before the doors closed. _

'_I'm sorry.'_

Percy scowled. _What?!_ They had both made it through Tartarus! They had a happy ending! They were married, living together in an apartment, and had a baby boy! What kind of depressing story was _that?_

Still scowling, he clicked on the 'Report Abuse' button and moved on to another story and began to read.

_Percy Jackson was the hottest, coolest guy at Goode High School. Every girl wanted him. He was captain of the swim, football, and basketball team. He—_

Percy stopped reading to smile. Now _that_ was a story that got its facts right.

He printed that out too.

Then he typed a guest review. _Nice job, kid. Keep it up._

Maybe, even though his son had replaced him as the sass monster, and Annabeth was a hypocrite, and he had been scarred for life by a drawing, and he had read a terrible story, this day wasn't too bad after all.

;;;


	2. Annabeth's Diary

_A/N: Well, I wasn't sure if I was going to add more chapters to this... I just randomly wanted to fulfill the prompt 'Percy reads Annabeth's diary', although practically everyone has already done it. We already know from Mark of Athena that she has a journal- Frank saw one on her desk, but I feel like it would be really OC for Annabeth to have a 'Dear Diary, Percy is sooooooo hot! Here are fifty reasons why I love him!' kind of journal, so I made her have a more... realistic journal. _

_I've made this story into a kind of collection of stories where Percy finds things he's not supposed to find... LOL. I don't know how regularly I'll update, or if I will at all... This is more of a I'll-do-it-if-I-feel-like-it kind of thing. I would really appreciate suggestions or prompts, because I try to write stories for all the prompts I get, so then I'd definitely update for those._

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Percy was running through the strawberry fields, running as fast as he could to get away from Piper's threatening comb and can of hairspray, leaping over patches of strawberries, when he suddenly tripped over something and fell abruptly.

He groaned and rubbed the back of his neck. He hoped no one had seen him. He could just imagine headline news in _The Daily Drachma_: HERO OF OLYMPUS FROLICKING THROUGH STRAWBERRY FIELD, FALLS AND BREAKS NECK.

He looked down to see what he had tripped on. He leaned down and picked up a brown leather journal.

He flipped it open. _Annabeth Chase _was written on the first page.

He frowned and opened it to the next page. Architectural drawings. _Boringgg._

Where was the "I love Percy Jackson" and the "Mrs. Persassy" and the "A+P=Chemistry"?

He flipped to another page, faster. AHA! She had actually written A+P=Chemistry! _He was a mind-reader!_

No… wait… the letters were fuzzy… they were clearing now... Wait! That said AP Chemistry! It was notes for her AP Chemistry class…

He sighed. _Something_ about him had to be somewhere in here.

He flipped randomly to the middle. _Yesssssssssssssss_, he thought, doing a silent fist pump.

She had stapled a picture of them together in her diary, randomly in the middle of the book. There were little red-penned hearts surrounding his face.

He looked around once to make sure no one was around, then he shoved it up his shirt and continued to run and leap through the field, to his cabin, so he could read the rest in private. Heck, he was so happy, he might have even put a twirl in. _Shhhhhhh_. Don't tell.

;;

Once he had safely locked himself in his bathroom, he sat down on the toilet seat cover and began to read.

_Annabeth would be proud of him_, he thought. He had never expressed as big an interest in reading as he was now. He gulped at the thought. Annabeth. How long would it be before she realized her journal was missing?

He began to flip through the pages faster. A picture of him.

_Percy is so cute_ was the caption.

He wished he had a camera to take pictures of these.

Wait… what was that, further below it?

She had written something else… He struggled to make out what it said.

_Perey… stop…ratting….this…new_

He frowned. What? He tried again.

_Perry…stop…realing…_

No…

_Percy… stop…_ reading this now!

He panicked. How had she known?

He burst through his bathroom door and out his cabin, and he ran into the strawberry fields and randomly threw it somewhere in the middle.

He was running back out when the same thing happened: He tripped.

_Over_ _someone's foot. And he sprawled onto the ground on top of... _

"Annabeth?"

She smiled back mysteriously. "Yes?"

He laughed nervously, rubbing his neck, trying not to open his eyes too wide. He shuffled his feet. "Um… I think I hear Piper calling me… She wanted to do my hair… Gotta go!"

He bent down, kissed her as fast as he could, and started to run, when he heard Annabeth say pleasantly, "One second, please."

He sighed. _Oh, here it comes,_ he thought.

"Is there something… you want… to tell me?" Annabeth asked, voice positively dripping with honey.

"Oh! Um… you mean, like a secret? Oh… um… I secretly like to frolick through strawberry fields when no one is looking," he made up hastily. "And… I used your underwear to clean my toilet seat when I was fifteen… Bye!"

_Shit,_ he thought. _I wasn't supposed to tell her about the toilet seat._

She reached over and grabbed his ankle, causing him to trip again.

"You read my diary. And so _you're_ the person who stole my underwear. You are so dead, Seaweed Brain."

She began to chase him through the strawberry field, shortly joined by Piper and a cloud of Aphrodite girls carrying hair-care supplies.

As Percy ran, waving his arms frantically, screaming for Jason, he thought, _Well, it's good to be back._

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_Thank you to: CrazyCookieChick, ICECREAMROCKS don't dis me, CodeDaphne, long. live. HP. PJ. HG, Always34682, TheBookMouse, and 9 Guests for reviewing! :) Also, a huge thank you to: vinyl dash, pertemis for eternity, gypsyprincess94, Taryn Q, OnlyABookworm, Mila-is-a-bookworm-101, K-tyRose, JoceZ, Author's Restraint, long. live. HP. PJ. HG, IamElizaBennet, and CodeDaphne for favoriting and/or following. _


	3. Pretty Little Cheater

_A/N: Hiiii I'm back I know I've been MIA on this story for a while but *squeeeeal* I finally decided to update! And I just drank about three cups of coffee, so this might be a little fast-paced. Also, I decided to try writing in a new tense. And I'm skipping through my iPod to all the fast songs, which there are about 600 of. And it is LITERALLY I'm not even joking, 3:26 AM right now, and I can't sleep (I wonder why). So this might be a little... intense? Don't read while meditating? Or driving? And please review? CALIFORNIA GIRLS WE'RE UNDENIABLE_

_WARNING: UNBELIEVABLY OOC! ONLY READ IF YOU'RE IN PARTY PONY MODE!_

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Percy narrows his eyes as he watches Annabeth walk into the Aphrodite cabin through his binoculars. This is the third time this month that she has gone in there. Every time on a Tuesday, precisely at 7:45 PM.

What could she be doing in there? Like, not that he's been spying. Percy is absolutely disgusted by spies. He's nothing like those completely _sick_ bastards who feel the need to watch their girlfriends with a pair of binocu- you know what, never mind.

But seriously, what could she be doing?

Percy sighs and drops his binoculars, slumping back onto his pillows. He's not desperate enough to look through the window yet. He won't sink that low, no way. She's probably just playing Monopoly or something. He hates Monopoly.

He switches off his bedside lamp, peels off his shirt, and closes his eyes, ready to call it a night even though it's not even eight yet, because _man_ does the Curse of Achilles make him tired.

Percy is just about to sink off into his happy dreamworld of blue cupcakes and pegasuses and white sand beaches when, BAM! The thought hits him like Sir Isaac Newton's apple, and he jerks upright, his eyes opening as wide as they can go, all traces of being tired disappearing.

_What if she's cheating on him?_

"Eureka!" Percy shouts, just for the heck of it, because he's pretty sure that's what Newton said, and he jumps out of his bed and runs out of his cabin without even bothering to get fully dressed. (Because, if he's going to act like Newton, he's going to do it right.)

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He stops and shuffles from foot to foot in front of Aphrodite's dollhouse of a cabin, hesitating. Is he being too paranoid? Should he look inside? Does he _want_ to? Unfortunately, the lacy white curtains are pulled across the glass tightly, with not even a sliver to peek through.

Percy presses his ear to the door, listening frantically for any signs that she's... You know...

He suddenly hears strange music and frowns, suddenly feeling extremely guilty for thinking Annabeth would cheat. She's probably just doing some kind of freaky girl sorcery. Making friendship bracelets. Braiding hair. Putting on skirts. The kind of stuff that no guy on earth knows how to do. (Do you, like, put in each leg separately, like pants? Or do you just kind of jump in? Or do you pull it over your head and drag it down? Percy doesn't know.)

Then, just as he's about to go back to his cabin, ashamed of himself, he hears faintly hears a girl saying, "Two can keep a secret."

He gasps, hands flying to his mouth. No. Fricking. Way.

Then he hears a high-pitched scream, and his eyes very nearly pop out of his head. He can't believe the nerve of Annabeth. That dirty, cheating little liar.

They leave him no choice, Percy thinks grimly.

He pulls Riptide out of his pocket and bursts through the cabin door, screaming "Cheater!" and brandishing his sword.

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He's greeted with about twenty girls screaming and jumping, and a flying bowl of popcorn in the face. Percy screams, too, caught by surprise.

Then... Silence.

He blinks, fluttering his newly buttered eyelashes, and slowly takes in the scene: a group of wide-eyed girls, mostly Aphrodite kids, sitting in a huddle on a bunk. Popcorn strewn all over the floor. And... a paused TV. It's frozen on the image of a dead body and four girls mid-scream.

"Oh," he breathes as he comprehends the scene.

"Well?" a very angry female voice coming from behind him demands.

Oh, beeeeeeeep. Well, this turned out to be quite a fine evening.

He turns very slowly to face an extremely angry Annabeth.

She's wearing a tank top and pajama shorts, her hands are on her hips, and her eyes are steely.

Percy gulps. "Hi. I see that you were watching TV. And not doing something else. Like cheating on me. I mean, theoretically speaking, of course."

He very discreetly caps Riptide and shoves the pen into his pocket, hoping no one noticed the three-foot, glowing bronze blade suddenly turn into a pen.

Annabeth continues to glare at him. She's starting to seriously scare him.

Everyone is staring at them. Some are not-so-secretly checking out his lack of a shirt.

Annabeth sighs and relaxes her shoulders. "Well," she mutters. "Now that you're here, you might as well watch with us."

Percy can't believe his ears. Does he seriously get off the hook that easily? Is this some kind of trap? He decides to not question his luck.

"Okay..."

He has no interest whatsoever in watching a girly murder show, but it's better than having his girlfriend murder _him. _

"So... What are we watching again?"

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Forty minutes and three and a half bowls of popcorn later, Percy is hooked.

So, when the episode ended on a cliffhanger and the screen went black…

Percy screamed.

"Percy! Calm down!" Annabeth said.

"But…. but…. they can't just end like that!" Percy blubbered.

"Percy! Calm _down!_" the entire cabin yelled.

Percy looked around with tear-filled eyes. "But… but… can they end like that?!"

The cabin sighed, very, very loudly.

"Percy, hon," Drew said sweetly. "We love you for forgetting your shirt today, sweetie, but next time, can you forget bringing your brain?"

;;;

_A/N: ewww why are all of Mac Miller's sweaters so ugly and seriously it's like ninety degrees if he keeps that sweater on any longer he's going to be called Mac Griller CAUSE ITS TOO COLD FOR YOU HERE NOW SO PUT YOUR SWEATERS IN THE HOLES OF MY ARMS wait I think those are the wrong lyrics oh well_

_I'm keeping my EYES OPEN because I GOTTA FEELING you're going to review and I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL when you write compliments even if it's just that ONE THING but that's NOT A BAD THING and I'll be THINKING ABOUT YOU and OOPS I DID IT AGAIN but the review button is RIGHT THERE don't be a RUDE BOY or I'll have SUMMERTIME SADNESS because I've been waiting A THOUSAND YEARS but please don't TALK DIRTY or I'll reply and be all WHAT THE HELL because THATS WHAT YOU GET for being MEAN and now RAISE YOUR GLASS if you decided to STAY and read this whole paragraph but make sure you're over 21 (QUESTIONS) if you're going to drink and now I'm going to finish off with the CLASSIC ending and say that was the STORY OF MY LIFE. Oh my god SOMEONE LIKE YOU really needs to take my iPod away from me (don't you dare)._

_Feel free to overwhelm me with lyrics from your favorite song. I'm pretty sure I deserve it by now. __SAY NO TO DRUGS, KIDS._

_Muchas gracias to PercabethxEverlarkxJessa, long-live-HP-PJ-HG, 8EternallyMortal8, CodeDaphne, Calypso Atlas, ICECREAMROCKS don't dis me, Thalia2275, Just Another Wise Girl, madam-fandom, NotAGuestAnymore, PiNerd of the Hephaestus Cabin, Can'tResistThisFantabulosity, and a bunch of a-maaay-zingggg Guests for reviewing, and extra cookies to everyone who said "Nice job, kid. Keep it up!" _

_Wow, this story got a really positive reaction, I'm really surprised, actually… I love youu_

_AAAAANd I'm really going to regret writing these A/Ns when I'm not sleep-deprived… But guys guys guys check out NotAGuestAnymore she's the queen of Percy POV and she has a British accent like how cool is that_

_And madam-fandom is doing some kind of band competition IDK BECAUSE I'M A BAD PERSON but PM HER AND WISH HER GOOD LUCK, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW HER BECAUSE SHE'S AN AWESOME PERSON and will most likely be all flustered and super nice so ALL SHE DOES IS WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT_


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